This is the second of a series of posts on how I overcame fifteen years of depression. You may read Part I here: Part I
I wrote of how I suffered through fifteen years of chronic depression. I thought that losing weight and looking good would bring me happiness but it didn’t. I didn’t understand the thoughts inside my head. Every thought I had was negative. I blamed everyone and everything for my rotten life. I wallowed in self-pity. Having my own little pity party gave me a pay back. People would feel sorry for me. People would look at me with pity in their eyes and that brought some sort of comfort to me. It was oh poor me, why do I have to go through this, not realizing that I was choosing to let my demons run my life. My husband at the time said to me one day, “Carla, you kind of feel sorry for yourself”. I said “WHAT?!?” How dare you say that to me! And later I learned that he was right.
After many psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, doctors and medications – yup I have tried them all, I decided that these were only band aids to a much deeper problem. So in desperation I went searching. There had to be an answer and damn it, I was going to find it even if it killed me because living this way was as good as being dead anyway.
I read tons of books on how to be happy. I went to retreats and seminars. I studied many success and spiritual gurus and I found one common theme among all of them. I heard many times how we are body, mind and spirit but thought this was all weird hippy talk and didn’t want any part of it. It all sounded too scary to me. I learned that as humans we not only have a body, but we have thoughts, and we are 100% responsible for the thoughts we choose. We are also spiritual beings. What is this thing they called a soul? They all said, “Connect with your spirit because that is who you are, that is where the answers are, and they will never lie.” These gurus were even crazier than I was!
To be continued….
Here's to finding your soul,Carla
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I have had it. I am so angry at this disease we call depression that is robbing so many people of their lives! It is all around us. People I LOVE are suffering; people in the millions are suffering! It is as prevalent as cancer and poverty but no one wants to acknowledge it. We sweep it under the rug hoping it will go away, but it will never go away until we stand up, look it in eye, and kick it out the door for good.
This post is Part 1 of a series to tell you how I kicked depression in the butt. It would be far too long to include everything in one. It’s going to be real and raw and maybe even offensive to some. It is the only way I know to fight back and give hope to so many who are feeling helpless and lifeless. It is the only way I know how to help other’s who are suffering, just like I did.
I know this disease very well. I lived with it for many agonizing painful years. Yes, it IS VERY PAINFUL! More painful than any physical pain I ever felt. For fifteen years my life was worthless and meaningless. It was like I was living in a dark black cloud. I could see people all around me smiling and laughing and living these wonderful happy lives and I couldn’t understand why my life couldn’t be like theirs. I was jealous and envious of happy people. I put walls up around me so no one could get in. Even the people who loved me the most could not get near me. I wouldn’t let them in for fear that this bubble around me would break and I would be exposed and broken open.
Well folks, that is exactly what I needed to do to get out of the misery. I had to break myself OPEN! I had to stand up and not let the beast control me any longer. I had to open my heart and walk through the veil into the light and slam the door on the demons that over took me for so long.
When I was depressed all I focused on was my physical world and physical body. When I looked in the mirror I hated the person looking back at me! I was morbidly obese. I thought that if I could just lose some weight my life would be wonderful and I would be happy. I did lose the weight but my life didn’t magically switch to being wonderful like I thought it would. I was still miserable. I couldn’t understand it. My physical world all around me was beautiful. I lived in a lovely little cottage at the lake. I had all the toys and material things that money could buy. Life was all about the rat race; possessions and money and looking good; that’s what would make me happy..., or so I thought.
To be continued….
Carla Lindgren Coates
If you don't know me by now, I am all about manifesting and creating my own life. I know how important it is to choose my thoughts and know without a doubt that my thoughts create my reality. It has been proven to me time and time again. I focus on something and keep the faith that it will happen for me and it does time and time again!
I did it when I became a #1 Best Selling Author. I knew without a doubt it would happen. I put all of my focus on it, did the work that was required, kept the faith, and it happened.
The picture you see above is a painting of my childhood home where I grew up. This is my next "BIG" manifestation. Why do I have to manifest it? Well my parents no longer own it. I WILL own and live in this house again! Although it looks nothing like this picture. It was torn down and rebuilt by the current owners. It has not been in the family for ten years or more. Luckily though, Mom and Dad sold it to a friend of mine.
It is a little beyond my financial capability at the moment, but that does not deter me from my dream. I am constantly seeing my self and my family living there again. I see us having family reunions and Christmas's that we had when we were growing up. My mind never falters or doubts that at the time my friend is ready to sell, I will be able to buy it. Every thing I do and every goal I make is in preparation to be in a position to buy it and live there again.
I am posting this now as proof that manifesting is real and that when you ask for something, the Universe will do whatever it takes to make your dreams and wishes come true, as long as you remain focused and keep the faith. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be living here in a couple years and we will have those family reunions and Christmas's that we hold so dear. In two years, I will refer back to this post and prove to you that my manifestation did become reality. I have already made plans with my family. Christmas 2018 will be at the old farm house, "our house". Mark my words!
Keep the vision,
The last few months have been challenging for my family and I, to say the least. We have had loved ones pass away, we have had to put our mother in a nursing home, we have had siblings diagnosed with cancer, and other life changes which sometimes makes it down right difficult to be thankful for anything. Needless to say, I have been experiencing a rather low time in my life.
Although it isn't fun going through the low times, I have learned that it is a normal process. We all have low periods. It is the ebb and flow of life. I now know that I need to be grateful for them just as I am the good times. It is a signal that we need to slow down, relax, and take time to reflect. It means we are doing too much and need to stop and smell the roses. It also is a period of growth and rejuvenation. I always know that once I am through it, something new and wonderful is waiting for me on the horizon.
A few years ago, I started a Gratitude Journal to help me cope with depression. That one amazing tool and daily practice, totally transformed my life.
During my recent “low” time I was forgetting to be grateful. My life was just too busy and spinning out of control. My daily practice of gratitude had been non-existent. Luckily I realized it and I immediately began to focus on what was good in my life and give thanks. And yes, very quickly, it changed my life – again! I am now feeling so much better and my attitude of gratitude has made my life rosey once again.
This weekend as we celebrate Thanksgiving, I wonder why it is celebrated only once a year? Shouldn’t we celebrate and give thanks EVERY day?
Be grateful for the small things, big things and everything in between. Don't just leave it for one day a year. Be grateful EVERY day! It WILL change your life!
Wishing you abundance in every way, and hope you and your families have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
My sisters are my best friends in the world and luckily I have five of them. With our lives being so busy it is hard to get together and keep in touch. This past weekend was one that for the most part was unplanned, but turned out to be one of the best we have had together in a long time.
It started out when I received a message from one sister that her daughter had been injured and was being taken to hospital. They didn't know the extent of her injuries but it sounded very serious. Now I know that doesn't sound good, and you are probably wondering how that would have contributed to a good weekend, but let me explain.
I headed to the hospital where my niece was being transported. It was out of town so I would need to make arrangements to spend the night at another sister's who lived near the hospital. When I arrived, and although my niece was deeply sedated the whole time and didn't know I was there, I was happy to be able to be there for my sister. She had been there most of the night before and all day and she was happy that her sisters were there to sit with her to pass the time while her daughter slept. It turned out that the injuries were not as extensive as they initially thought, and although my niece will be in pain and have a few bruises for awhile, she was a very lucky girl. So the outcome was very good, it could have been a lot worse. Thank you God!
That evening after leaving the hospital I spent the night at another sister's as it was a two hour drive home and I was planning on going there the next day anyway. Over a bottle of wine we chatted late into the night, something the two of use hadn't been able to do in a very long time. It felt so good just to talk and share what was happening in our lives.
The next day, we had made plans to do the CIBC Run For the Cure for Breast Cancer together in support of another sister who has recently been diagnosed. So on Sunday my sisters and I, along with our nieces and nephews, walked the 5km walk, in solidarity. It was a very special time, and although it is not always under the best circumstances, we are always there to support and love each other through thick and thin.
To my amazing sisters, thank you for being the loving, caring, supportive and strong women that you are. I love you with all my heart and even though we don't see each other as often as we'd like, I am grateful to have you in my life. You are my best friends!