The last few weeks I have written about how I was able to overcome depression and find joy and happiness in my life again.  I wrote my book in hopes to help others who suffer from this dreadful disease; many in my own family.  This post is done with a heavy heart and dedicated to my nephew Trevor.

When I was seven years old my mom and dad came home one day to tell me I was an aunty for the first time.  I was so PROUD!  I couldn’t wait to meet him.  I practically grew up with my oldest nephew.  I babysat him, I gave him his first cigarette; not good I know.  We went out on Saturday nights.  We had many heart-to-heart talks. We were more like friends then aunt and nephew.  Not long ago he spent a few weekends at my house renovating my kitchen for me. 

How I wish I would have known it would be one of the last times I would see him.  How I wish I could have talked to him once more.  How I wish I could have helped. I knew he was troubled but I never dreamed he would do something so drastic.   

Those of us left behind do not understand it and some may even think it’s selfish. 

How could he do this to the people who loved him? 

One thing I know is that he loved with all his heart.  It was his wife, mother, children, brother, grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins that kept him here for as long as he was.  He was likely thinking about us right to the very last moment!  Having lived in that black hole I know it was out of desperation.  He could no longer endure the pain.

He is the second nephew we have lost to suicide.  My family has had enough!  For as long as I live I will continue to raise awareness and fight against depression.  I will continue do what ever I can to make other’s and my life more rosey. 

I am grateful for the special times we had together.  I know that God now holds you in his arms and that you have peace.  Love you Trevor.  I will miss you!


With dedication and love,
Carla