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    I struggled for years with low self-esteem, depression, and obesity. I never felt good enough, and I thought I didn’t matter—I thought there was something wrong with me. Shortly after my thirtieth birthday, I remember getting up one morning and sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling as if the life had drained out of me. I had had short bouts of depression prior to this, but this precipitated what became fifteen long, agonizing years of feeling totally empty. My life had no meaning; I felt as if I was just going through the motions.  I didn’t want to live, but I was afraid to die.
    I always seemed to be searching and yearning for something, but I didn’t know what. Something was missing. I felt as if there were a hole or void in my heart, and I didn’t know what it was.
    I tried filling the void with food, but it never took away the emptiness I felt inside. I was always looking for answers, always doubting, and had very little faith.
    When my life was as bad as it could be, while I was completely lost in the abyss, my dad died. Although I almost went over the edge, that event created “the shift” I needed to move from darkness and despair to joy and happiness again.
    I have heard it said from the darkest moments come the greatest gifts, and that often it is our deepest pain that empowers us to grow into our highest self.
    My life is a true testimony to that. This is my story of how I went from lost and broken, struggling through obstacles, wandering aimlessly through a life with no meaning, to one of joy, happiness, and fulfillment, finding not only God but myself.
    It is my wish that if you have ever felt the same, my story will help you through your thorns so that you too may thrive.
     
                                Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow,
                                               Lies a seed that with the sun’s love,
                                                   in the spring becomes the rose.

Life is rosey, :)
Carla

 


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