So often I hear people say how others have upset them, or done them wrong, or ruined their lives, etc.  I used to be one of these people.  I blamed everyone, and everything for my rotten life.  After much soul searching, personal development, and reading the book Reframe Your Blame by my mentor and friend Jay Fiset, I have been able to take responsibility for my life and I realize that everything that happens is because I have created it.  Here are a few lessons I have learned, and by doing so, I have released resentment, worry, judgment, anger, hurt and fear. 

1.  No one can ruin your life.  Just like your thoughts and actions, you choose your feelings.  You choose how you feel and react to others.  I have learnt that if someone hurts me, it is my issue, not theirs.  It is my insecurity, or fear, or unwillingness to accept the truth.  I try to see what it is I am learning from it and don’t hold it against the other person.  When someone upsets me I tell myself “bless them, change me”.  It works every time.

2.  Stop worrying what others think of you.  What other’s think of you is none of your business.  I stopped worrying about what others think of me.  It is their issues and beliefs; it does not mean that it is my truth.  Live your life according to your morales, beliefs and values.  If others don’t agree, it is their choice.

3.  Stop blaming others for your unhappiness.  No one is responsible to make you happy.  This is your responsibility.  Once I learned this my life changed completely. 

4.  How you react is your own choice.  If you get upset over something someone else has said or done, it is your own emotions and feelings that dictate how you react to it.  I do not “feed the fire” by “getting the last word”.  I allow them to react how they choose to.  How I react is my own issue.  I deal with them and move on.

5.  Start being accountable for your actions.  Take responsibility for your choices.  You life is a result of your actions, no one else’s.  If something isn’t the way you want it to be change it.  If you make a mistake, admit it, apologize for it, and move on.

6.  Stop being a victim.  Stuff happens.  Let the experience teach you and make you a stronger person.  By overcoming challenges and helping others who may have experienced the same, you become the victor.

7.  Stop hanging out with negative people.  Negative people bring you down.  That’s all I need to say about this one.

8.  Don’t worry about things you can’t control.  You cannot control everything that happens or what others do or say.  Ninety-five percent of what you worry about never happens.  If you can’t change it, accept it.  It is what it is.  How you react to it is your choice.  What you can’t change it, let go.

Once I was able to change my perspective and learn that my feelings, reations, thoughts and emotions are things that I control, and by realizing that what others do, think and say has nothing to do with me, I have become a much less judgemental, more compassionate, accepting, and loving person, and because of that my life is much more rosey.

Living life on my terms,



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