This post is Part 1 of a series to tell you how I kicked depression in the butt. It would be far too long to include everything in one. It’s going to be real and raw and maybe even offensive to some. It is the only way I know to fight back and give hope to so many who are feeling helpless and lifeless. It is the only way I know how to help other’s who are suffering, just like I did.
I know this disease very well. I lived with it for many agonizing painful years. Yes, it IS VERY PAINFUL! More painful than any physical pain I ever felt. For fifteen years my life was worthless and meaningless. It was like I was living in a dark black cloud. I could see people all around me smiling and laughing and living these wonderful happy lives and I couldn’t understand why my life couldn’t be like theirs. I was jealous and envious of happy people. I put walls up around me so no one could get in. Even the people who loved me the most could not get near me. I wouldn’t let them in for fear that this bubble around me would break and I would be exposed and broken open.
Well folks, that is exactly what I needed to do to get out of the misery. I had to break myself OPEN! I had to stand up and not let the beast control me any longer. I had to open my heart and walk through the veil into the light and slam the door on the demons that over took me for so long.
When I was depressed all I focused on was my physical world and physical body. When I looked in the mirror I hated the person looking back at me! I was morbidly obese. I thought that if I could just lose some weight my life would be wonderful and I would be happy. I did lose the weight but my life didn’t magically switch to being wonderful like I thought it would. I was still miserable. I couldn’t understand it. My physical world all around me was beautiful. I lived in a lovely little cottage at the lake. I had all the toys and material things that money could buy. Life was all about the rat race; possessions and money and looking good; that’s what would make me happy..., or so I thought.
To be continued….
Carla Lindgren Coates